I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend...
- James Taylor
I remember that I didn't want any friends. I hadn't, in fact, been betrayed by anyone, but I didn't want anyone because no one could possibly have seen what my world was like in those years.
It wasn't a bad world. It was just different. It was unusual. And no one had time or inclination for different and unusual. I do remember that I despaired of anyone being able to know such loneliness. Now and then, when people did connect (briefly), it seemed like dreams had come true; like gentle, healing breeze and the cool riverside. But mostly, it was loneliness. Harsh, cruel, depriving. Here and there, there were brilliant and intricate meadows of eternal flowers. Beautiful children played, their laughter floating eternally through my world. There were brooding young songwriters. And there were brilliant songs that played. The songs were me, and I was them.
I don't know that this world has faded - because I loved to live in it. It was harsh loneliness, but it was beauty beyond compare - filled with children, songs and flowers. Those who lived in it with me, spoke a language that only we knew. Many times, it was wordless because no words could express the depth of loneliness I felt.
Inside me, there was hurt. I didn't know (still don't know to this day) where the hurt came from, where the wound lay. But I didn't want anyone around. I don't know if this is any different today; but I do let people in a lot more now than I did then.
************************************************************************************
Long ago, I resolved I would find out what rock music really was. I had moved through all the lower reaches - acts that my friends then considered legendary. I had heard "Hotel California" and "Stairway to Heaven" in 1988; I had worked out "Child in Time" by 1989.
Something was missing. I felt it keenly. This was not rock music; it was too circumscribed and myopic. I gradually came to see songwriting as the key......and was increasingly drawn to rock that had bits of country music in it. I was headed straight as an arrow towards country-rock, but I didn't know the term then.
Then came Deja Vu, the rock music album that changed my life. I heard it in 1991. Suddenly, it was all about changing the world; and I was reliving Haight-Ashbury in the nineties!!!!!! I remember hating the fact that I was born 2 years too late..... and I did all I could to SOMEHOW call myself a Woodstock child. I read through Philip Norman's Shout! in 1991 and fell in love with The Beatles. I also heard The Who's "Behind Blue Eyes" -till today, the best song I have ever heard from "the angry young man". And I was.
Of course "Blowing In The Wind" was an anthem - I caught an exciting glimpse of what "walking on air" was all about, "when you know you have your finger on pulse" and you know you're writing a classic and changing the world. Suddenly, I found I had left behind the congested and myopic walls of my rock music infancy - the herd allegiance to so-called legendary "rock" bands - Led Zepellin, Deep Purple, Pink Floyd..... and I was standing on a vast, high mountain top where there was so much freedom, light and air; where the spirits of songs rode free and wild.
In 1990, I heard about this brooding young songwriter (he had been, in 1971, but here I was, twenty years too late) who had checked himself in to a rehab clinic in 1969.....and had written of his experience in "one of rock's most uncompromising songs" - "Fire and Rain". His name was James Taylor.
************************************************************************************
How lonely it must be to battle alone with oneself !!!!! With no dreams but one's own, with no helping hands but one's own. I somehow suspected that James Taylor would put words to my feelings. This, in fact, is how it turned out:
Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
Susanne the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just cant remember who to send it to
Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again
Won't you look down upon me, Jesus,
You've got to help me make a stand
Just got to see me through another day
My body's aching and my time is at hand
And I won't make it any other way
Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again
Been walking my mind to an easy time
My back turned towards the sun
Lord knows when the cold wind blows it'll turn your head around
Well, there's hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things that come
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground
Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you, baby, one more time again, now
Thought I'd see you one more time again
There's just a few things coming my way this time around, now
Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you,
Fire and rain, now
In a quiet corner in this lonely world......a lonely boy had connected with another lonely person.....in the words of a song. Maybe nothing really happened. But everything had happened, and I was never the same again. I didn't care that I hadn't a friend in the world - I knew James Taylor had stood where I did, and had come up trumps.
There is an always-present, deep-but-not-intrusive string-chord that begins in the second verse....and stays on almost unchanged through the song. It echoed the weight of loneliness I felt in those years. There is also some iconic drumming with brushes - some crashing cymbals that kind of "anthemize" the whole thing towards the end. Of course, the first thing to capture the attention was James' revolutionary (for me at that time) picking on the guitar.
To this day there hasn't been a song like "Fire and Rain"..... and I've heard the best of the best - you name it. Jackson Browne, Bob Dylan, Van Morrison, Joni Mitchell, even Guy Clark. I'd say, even Emmylou!!!!!! But James Taylor had brought expressions to feelings I didn't know I'd had. A world had opened up where I could understand what makes "Brown-Eyed Girl" the song it is....and how Jackson Browne could write a song like "The Pretender" that captured the hollow emptiness of an entire generation - the 70's.
Deep greens and blues are the colours I choose,
Won't you let me go down in my dreams......
*************************************************************************************
Today, loneliness is a hallmark for me. But it is not fragility - it is resilience. And it is a tower of strength. When I hear a song, I can instantly connect with the songwriter. I know the muses, I know the language, and I can guess at the person inside that writes the song.
But it was "Fire and Rain" that had propped up a lonely, tired, exhausted little boy and helped him stand.....to face a world where no one knew him.
Fire and Rain........and Jesus.
- James Taylor
I remember that I didn't want any friends. I hadn't, in fact, been betrayed by anyone, but I didn't want anyone because no one could possibly have seen what my world was like in those years.
It wasn't a bad world. It was just different. It was unusual. And no one had time or inclination for different and unusual. I do remember that I despaired of anyone being able to know such loneliness. Now and then, when people did connect (briefly), it seemed like dreams had come true; like gentle, healing breeze and the cool riverside. But mostly, it was loneliness. Harsh, cruel, depriving. Here and there, there were brilliant and intricate meadows of eternal flowers. Beautiful children played, their laughter floating eternally through my world. There were brooding young songwriters. And there were brilliant songs that played. The songs were me, and I was them.
I don't know that this world has faded - because I loved to live in it. It was harsh loneliness, but it was beauty beyond compare - filled with children, songs and flowers. Those who lived in it with me, spoke a language that only we knew. Many times, it was wordless because no words could express the depth of loneliness I felt.
Inside me, there was hurt. I didn't know (still don't know to this day) where the hurt came from, where the wound lay. But I didn't want anyone around. I don't know if this is any different today; but I do let people in a lot more now than I did then.
************************************************************************************
Long ago, I resolved I would find out what rock music really was. I had moved through all the lower reaches - acts that my friends then considered legendary. I had heard "Hotel California" and "Stairway to Heaven" in 1988; I had worked out "Child in Time" by 1989.
Something was missing. I felt it keenly. This was not rock music; it was too circumscribed and myopic. I gradually came to see songwriting as the key......and was increasingly drawn to rock that had bits of country music in it. I was headed straight as an arrow towards country-rock, but I didn't know the term then.
Then came Deja Vu, the rock music album that changed my life. I heard it in 1991. Suddenly, it was all about changing the world; and I was reliving Haight-Ashbury in the nineties!!!!!! I remember hating the fact that I was born 2 years too late..... and I did all I could to SOMEHOW call myself a Woodstock child. I read through Philip Norman's Shout! in 1991 and fell in love with The Beatles. I also heard The Who's "Behind Blue Eyes" -till today, the best song I have ever heard from "the angry young man". And I was.
Of course "Blowing In The Wind" was an anthem - I caught an exciting glimpse of what "walking on air" was all about, "when you know you have your finger on pulse" and you know you're writing a classic and changing the world. Suddenly, I found I had left behind the congested and myopic walls of my rock music infancy - the herd allegiance to so-called legendary "rock" bands - Led Zepellin, Deep Purple, Pink Floyd..... and I was standing on a vast, high mountain top where there was so much freedom, light and air; where the spirits of songs rode free and wild.
In 1990, I heard about this brooding young songwriter (he had been, in 1971, but here I was, twenty years too late) who had checked himself in to a rehab clinic in 1969.....and had written of his experience in "one of rock's most uncompromising songs" - "Fire and Rain". His name was James Taylor.
************************************************************************************
How lonely it must be to battle alone with oneself !!!!! With no dreams but one's own, with no helping hands but one's own. I somehow suspected that James Taylor would put words to my feelings. This, in fact, is how it turned out:
Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone
Susanne the plans they made put an end to you
I walked out this morning and I wrote down this song
I just cant remember who to send it to
Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again
Won't you look down upon me, Jesus,
You've got to help me make a stand
Just got to see me through another day
My body's aching and my time is at hand
And I won't make it any other way
Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you again
Been walking my mind to an easy time
My back turned towards the sun
Lord knows when the cold wind blows it'll turn your head around
Well, there's hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things that come
Sweet dreams and flying machines in pieces on the ground
Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I'd see you, baby, one more time again, now
Thought I'd see you one more time again
There's just a few things coming my way this time around, now
Thought I'd see you, thought I'd see you,
Fire and rain, now
In a quiet corner in this lonely world......a lonely boy had connected with another lonely person.....in the words of a song. Maybe nothing really happened. But everything had happened, and I was never the same again. I didn't care that I hadn't a friend in the world - I knew James Taylor had stood where I did, and had come up trumps.
There is an always-present, deep-but-not-intrusive string-chord that begins in the second verse....and stays on almost unchanged through the song. It echoed the weight of loneliness I felt in those years. There is also some iconic drumming with brushes - some crashing cymbals that kind of "anthemize" the whole thing towards the end. Of course, the first thing to capture the attention was James' revolutionary (for me at that time) picking on the guitar.
To this day there hasn't been a song like "Fire and Rain"..... and I've heard the best of the best - you name it. Jackson Browne, Bob Dylan, Van Morrison, Joni Mitchell, even Guy Clark. I'd say, even Emmylou!!!!!! But James Taylor had brought expressions to feelings I didn't know I'd had. A world had opened up where I could understand what makes "Brown-Eyed Girl" the song it is....and how Jackson Browne could write a song like "The Pretender" that captured the hollow emptiness of an entire generation - the 70's.
Deep greens and blues are the colours I choose,
Won't you let me go down in my dreams......
*************************************************************************************
Today, loneliness is a hallmark for me. But it is not fragility - it is resilience. And it is a tower of strength. When I hear a song, I can instantly connect with the songwriter. I know the muses, I know the language, and I can guess at the person inside that writes the song.
But it was "Fire and Rain" that had propped up a lonely, tired, exhausted little boy and helped him stand.....to face a world where no one knew him.
Fire and Rain........and Jesus.
Glad to know that you are getting more prolific. Sublime as usual!
ReplyDeleteAvi
'Fire and Rain' has been one of my all-time favorites, and helped me through a terrible few years. Strange, I've never, to this day, heard of, or seen anyone who spoke of this song!
ReplyDeleteFire and Rain was a before-after point for me in life.....I can hardly speak of it any other way.
ReplyDeleteI still vividly remember 1991 when I heard it.......